wow im here

haha its strange that whenever i fight with her i'm here.

its been a long long time since i blogged. i guess its because there are things i can't tell people.

not even my close friends. cos yeah, their her friends too.

so this relationship has finally come to a finale. and i'm doing all i can to face this once again.

how many time has this happened to me. i think this is the second time. the feeling of hopelessness and emptiness.

so the crux of the whole problem was I couldn't trust her.

which i found out to be true. ever since she got dead drunk on my birthday.

all my trust for her washed away. and because it really hurts. as i recall that incident. it really really hurts and never fails to make me feel lousy.

which is why i told myself. when my birthday come, i'm gonna lock myself up or go somewhere to hide.

i dont even wish to celebrate it with my family anymore. but then again 5th june is still a long time from now.

who knows what the future holds.

but its just so sad you know.

that things ended up this way. we both admit we love each other alot.

and we still care for each other. but all that fighting and my inability to trust ruins everything.

i'll share a secret here kk, most of the time, the reason we fought was over something i couldn't trust her about.

like she going drinking or going out late at night.

wow i'm finally able to admit that.

but hey one bad bad experience is all it takes for me.


i dont really have much to say now. currently i'm doing my best to keep away from her totally.

because it just hurts to even try to do anything or say anything to her.
i think of the pain she'll go through or how much happier she'll be with another guy i really really cant bear to ask her to stay.

haha my insecurity is kicking in.


mm if i could end this post with a statement.


it would be, how sad i really am because she stopped believing that i could change


(well i don't blame her, i had two long years to change and i'm still the same)