heh

okay its been awhile. I thought I'd do a fast post here.


okay in case i lose track of time. today is the 24 of november. and she's leaving on the 6 of dec.

so that should put things in perspective abit.

okay! actually I'm feeling pretty low now. and i really can't put it into words. I kind of know why but just dont wish to say.

really my heart is just sinking.

well there are a few things thats propping it up.

first is the livejournal thing. i guess only one person would understand what it means. man you know just reading it everyday brings so much happiness to me. I look forward to reading it the first thing i get home.

thats how much it means to me heh..

okay i dont really wanna say anything more right now.

till another day

just woke up

power i just woke up.

just went to transfer some cash. its amazing how all the money I got from itp is gone and I didn't spent 1 cent on myself.

and who uses cents now anyway. but its all for a good cause.

to support 2 gamblers.

alright gonna play sum crimestory

byebee \|_|

Hi all

Hi all I have finally gotten into the mood to blogging again.

Days are slipping past seriously. Day in day out its the same. So I thought it'll be a good idea to blog so I won't lose track of time.

so NAO lets begin on school.

Honestly I did pretty shitty this time. Gpa dropped like hell blah blah and things are getting tough.

But while smoking(hahaha) just now I told myself that I'm gonna do work and listen in class.

I have to admit I slept in class quite a few times last year.


today I had a talk by one of the aero heads and seriously the future is saddening. But I won't digress more I think about it emo already.

Alright so for a start a few changes.

1. switching cigg brand to mild 7. hopefully can cut down soon.
and dont give me that bs that if I really want to quit I should just stop.

gentlemen smoking is a great social activity.

it breaks down barriers. People of different language, race and religion can get together perfected when smoking

with the international phrase 'eh bro got cigg'


okay enough crap gonna start on work now


byebee \|_|

wow im here

haha its strange that whenever i fight with her i'm here.

its been a long long time since i blogged. i guess its because there are things i can't tell people.

not even my close friends. cos yeah, their her friends too.

so this relationship has finally come to a finale. and i'm doing all i can to face this once again.

how many time has this happened to me. i think this is the second time. the feeling of hopelessness and emptiness.

so the crux of the whole problem was I couldn't trust her.

which i found out to be true. ever since she got dead drunk on my birthday.

all my trust for her washed away. and because it really hurts. as i recall that incident. it really really hurts and never fails to make me feel lousy.

which is why i told myself. when my birthday come, i'm gonna lock myself up or go somewhere to hide.

i dont even wish to celebrate it with my family anymore. but then again 5th june is still a long time from now.

who knows what the future holds.

but its just so sad you know.

that things ended up this way. we both admit we love each other alot.

and we still care for each other. but all that fighting and my inability to trust ruins everything.

i'll share a secret here kk, most of the time, the reason we fought was over something i couldn't trust her about.

like she going drinking or going out late at night.

wow i'm finally able to admit that.

but hey one bad bad experience is all it takes for me.


i dont really have much to say now. currently i'm doing my best to keep away from her totally.

because it just hurts to even try to do anything or say anything to her.
i think of the pain she'll go through or how much happier she'll be with another guy i really really cant bear to ask her to stay.

haha my insecurity is kicking in.


mm if i could end this post with a statement.


it would be, how sad i really am because she stopped believing that i could change


(well i don't blame her, i had two long years to change and i'm still the same)

the irony

how ironic, seeing the previous post.

today its the end of everything.

I thought I'd have alot to type here. but it seems I got nothing to say

i love you pee

wtf

wtf I used to enjoy blogging but I don't see myself typing much here anymore....

I'm losing myself manzz.


Alright so today I went to visit my granddad at st andrews community hospital. I think its called that. I think its for those therapy.

So went down and visited him and my aunt came along then my uncle.

all surprised I was there. I don't really like to visit when there's too many people around but their cool.

okay this is just bullshit. I dont want to talk about my day. She told me she had something to tell me tonight while i was at the hospital.

and my heart sank straight away.


so I tried to put that aside for awhile. But really man my heart was sinking and sinking. plus the atmosphere and all i really hated it. im not a wuss man but i really felt like tearing.

alright just now she said the exact same words "I don't want any status attached to it. I don't think we're ready for a full time commitment. Or at least i don't wanna be tied down by it"


man the tied down by it part hit me most.

wtf man. WTF IS GOING ON I DONT KNOW ANYMORE.

if i had a wish.

i would choose between wishing things would get better and wishing i never met her at all.

i'm never gonna put my full energy is anything anymore man. especially a relationship.

this relationship i really put my full into it. my heart my everything.

i dont trust girls man. girl in particular i dont want to act like i know alot lolol. i really hate the way she can just throw me aside.


PLEASE GOD I KNOW I WISHED ALOT OF STUPID THINGS BEFORE LIKE DYING.

but listen to my plea and take me away asap.

CANNOT STUDY ALREADY

Man I've been trying to study for the past 2 hours. Managed to get some stuff in but I'm really at my saturation already.

and I'm supposed to be the one encouraging her to study.

So I think I'll stop now and tell her at 1 that I cannot study already.



Life has been tough on me man. I can feel the weight of my burden materializing into something physical. Do you even understand what i mean. Something in my mind can take a physical toll on my body.

hold on I shall use this ability to get drunk now



I guess its gonna take more practice for that to happen.

So lets see whats interesting to post here. current updates on life.

err studies kinda shaky yes. Alot of stuff I dont quite understand. but i don't bother telling people about it already

1. if i tell my friends

"jer dont bluff la you have difficulty studying"

2. tell my parents

"sleep early play less computer"

seriously i starting to think sleep early play less computer is a template to them when they dont know what to say.

hey mum i think i falling sick

"sleep earlier and play less computer"

hey I had a weird disturbance last night i felt something pushing down on me

"sleep earlier and play less computer"

wtf everything can also blame and sleep early and play less computer. tips n tricks to being a parent.

in the future if you don't know what to say use this model answer.

so it was 08 08 08 just now

and i spent the 08 pm sleeping.

who the hell cares about auspicious and all that. Do you guys even believe in this. maybe has abit of romantic effect la once in a life time right and all that.

but the truth is 2009 09 09 also will come

2010 10 10 also will come. YOU TELL ME EVERY YEAR YOU GONNA GET MARRIED?

and besides if you believe this, its the seventh month.

so a negative will balance the positive making this an ordinary day.


alright i'm gonna stop here.

toodles hahahahaha

oh my god

oh my god i can't believe i made this blog when i was drunk. i seriously dont remember clearly how i could still get online.

wtf i wont forever be there? is my english that bad when i'm high. i thought at least i'd put i wont be there forever or something better sounding.

but oh well might as well use it.


so today i had my gems presentation which went well. and i'm feeling good about it. i think i'm gonna drink tonight if nothing crops up.

hope i don't have to deal with any problems like someone wanted to club or something.

i really need less of those damnit.

and something weird happened to me in school today. i cant even tell pris about it.

alright blog later gonna watch anime then sleep.


lonely ah lonely

intoxicated

haha as i am typing this i am extremely intoxicated.

i drank half a bottle of rum and i'm damn high now.

dont ask me why i put this blog url or something.

i know i'm gonna regret tmr but HAHAHA WHO CARES.

I RELY ON NO ONE IN THIS WORLD MAN